Every January I choose a word to guide the year. Something I feel God has put on my heart to help reshape my life for the better. For 2017 my word is Decrease.
Lately I have felt a strong urge to put my life through a sifter. Allowing what is heavy, distracting, or unnecessary, to fall away. So there might be space on my plate. So I might be able to see and hear more clearly what God is trying to say.
And I’m on board with that, until I’m not. Until the whisper to drop it involves commitments I consider invaluable. Surely God doesn’t want me to let go of that. Right? It’s a good thing. It’s not like it’s a vice or a sin.
I’m learning though, that it doesn’t have to be “bad” to trip you up or muffle God’s voice. Too much of a good thing is a real thing. You could put all the best musicians in the world in one room but if they aren’t on the same page, they’ll only make a bunch of noise.
Still, making cuts…as many as God seems to want me to make…stings. I have spent the last 3 months questioning Him. Positive that I was just interpreting Him wrong. Maybe the intense need to dial it down was actually new mom anxiety. Some sort of mental disorder I needed to medicate.
But the harder I tried to hold on, the more roadblocks I encountered. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall an AWFUL LOT. Over multiple things. So recently in prayer time I asked God to make His will abundantly clear to me. Sorry Lord, I simply cannot move forward without a map. I’m too afraid of getting it wrong and making a mess.
And immediately, two words crossed my mind: Season and Family. I pondered them for a bit and felt reasonably sure I knew what He meant. But still, STILL, doubt lingered. Until I opened my Instagram app and the first post was this:
It was like a gigantic interstate sign reading THIS WAY.
I carry a weighty burden on my heart to make the most of my blessings. I don’t want to sit back in a comfortable existence, biding my time until I get to heaven. Therefore my first instinct is to give give give. Yes I’ll donate. Yes I’ll be there. YES. Whatever you are asking for, you can have it. My time. My energy. My resources.
If I’m going to be a Christian I better darn well BE A CHRISTIAN. My walk needs to match my talk. My son needs to see me setting the absolute BEST example.
It has lead to so much stress and inner turmoil. I’m never doing it right, I’m never doing enough. Until God finally sat me down and said Are you done? I don’t give rewards for the most checked boxes. I give favor to those who listen and then follow through. LISTEN to what I’m telling you. In this season of your life, what is little is big. I gave you a baby and I will give you more. And though raising them may seem insignificant in terms of missions…it’s not. To you the world is huge and full of need, but to them the world is you. There will be a time to look out and give, but for now, Eyes In.
Eyes In. It’s not about making my baby an idol. Allowing him to grow up thinking he is the center of the universe. (Trust and believe, that will not happen.) It’s about being what he needs, and right now his needs are MANY. He may be little but being his parent is big.
So I’ll be reigning it in. Hitting pause on the yes train and handing out more Not right now’s. I hope I’m met with grace and understanding. And I hope if you’re an overburdened (that looks different for each individual) mama, or father, you’ll join me. There’s a season for everything and when it comes to parenting fresh faced babes, it’s not time to be everything to everyone. It’s time to be everything to your little ones. <3